The following news story appeared on the T&M homepage:

   The Letters of Derek Philpott (and Wilf Turnbull)!   

   Letter to the U.K. Subs is the latest in brilliant series   

The Letters of Derek Philpott
(and Wilf Turnbull)!

Letters to pop stars regarding their work from a retired member of the public with genuine replies from the artists themselves...
 
This is an hilarious website wherein two 'pensioners', living in Bournemouth write to popstars about their song lyrics, to which they often reply.
 
The most recent missive is addressed to the Subs, taking Charlie and the boys to task for 'I Live In A Car'... Be sure to check out some of the many other brilliant and funny letters sent and the wonderful replies......
 
You can read the full letter on this link:
 
   Now pledge to get the book of the letters!   
KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN DETAILS
''Dear Mr. Le Bon'' - A Pensioner Writes by Derek Philpott is the title of the book of these brilliantly funny letters which is hopefully to be published via a 'Kickstarter' campaign.
You can pledge from as little as £15-00 for a 1st Edition, or £20-00 gets you a copy with your name in it, and £25-00 would see you receive a signed copy with your name in the book.

The Letters' website - click here
Derek on Facebook - click here
Wilf on Facebook - click here

The Subs letter is archived below:
 
Dear The U.K. Subs
 
Re: I Live In A Car
 
I was sorry to hear on the wireless this morning that Mr. Dean Taylor has a ghost in his house and do not envy him the likely months ahead of legal wrangling and being on hold for twenty minutes at a time as he attempts to argue with the Local Authority that he actually is still technically entitled to a single person's occupancy discount in relation to his council tax.
 
One can certainly appreciate that your own automative accommodation may have its advantages, The U.K. Subs. It is admittedly unlikely, for one, that such saloon settlement or hatchback habitation would find you placed in a similar Borough Council imposed ''Stranglehold'', and, unlike most motorists, your transportation would still be of benefit even were the fuel gauge to be ''In The Red''. However, even assuming that the relocatable residence is fully insured (I myself have just taken out a brand new Aegis policy for my prized Nissan Juke) I regret to inform you that said vehicular domicile may not exclude you, despite your confidence, from the attentions of a ''Public Servant''. Furthermore, and much as it pains me to employ the slovenly vernacular of the young, one fears that your car might be ''a bit rubbish''.
 
Please allow me to elaborate and proffer possible ''Solutions'' to your current situation, my British auxiliary friends.
 
Although relieved, on the grounds of driving without due care and attention and setting a possible ''Crash Course'', to learn that your four-wheeled abode is devoid of a television set, I am quite surprised that it is not equiped with a stereo. Such 'hi-fi systems' are, to the best of my knowledge, normally fitted as 'standard' in most modern models, my GB surrogate pals, and ''All I Wanna Know'' is whether or not there is an available space on the dashboard for such a device to be fitted. If so, and without recourse to Judas Priest, you may wish to check the ''Product Supply'' and place a ''New Order'' with your local Halfords, who I am sure would provide an installation option for a small additional cost.
 
Sadly, my commonwealth locum pals, I fear, vis a vis your assertion that you ''aint got an I.D. Card'' that this is the most likely reason why the cops try to get you. It is a legal requirement for all road users to hold both a paper counterpart and photo card clearly indicating the holder's full name, address (I am afraid that ''A Car'' is not acceptable) and photographic likeness, to be produced for the inspection of the Police Force or ''C.I.D.'', upon request. Sadly, even were you not to actually start up your home and confine it from a public thoroughfare, one is doubtful that a Statutory Off Road Notification (or SORN) could be applied without an address (once again ''A Car'' being unacceptable, this time to the Post Office) to issue it to.
 
In conclusion, my proxy consolidated dominion chums, I am afraid that ''I Couldn't Be You'' until a ''Plan of Action'' is put in place to eradicate the possibility of the above-mentioned DVLA contraventions resulting in your being convicted as ''Young Criminals''. If such an option is inviable, and in the absence of, if you will pardon the the pun, an ''estate'' agent, you may be able to offload your propellable property and contact Mr. Numan, whom I believe shares your drivable dwelling preferences and may be able to offer the ”Same Thing'' by way of a tenancy on his passenger seat.
 
I also sincerely hope that you are all one day able to fulfill your no doubt long-held ''Ambition'' to be the U.K. Permanents
 
Yours
 
Derek Philpott